Thursday, 30 September 2010

Coming Full Circle

If I told myself 12 months ago that I would end up right back at the very place I had tried to get away from, I would look at myself in disbelief and say "Seriously?!". If I had known that sobering fact, who knows maybe I would have tried harder to get a job?

Well regardless, I'm back. A few things have changed, but most things have not. I still see some old faces here and the there, and the familiar stench of corruption hangs in the air.

I'm not gonna sugar-coat it anymore. No-one there reads this blog, so I'm more or less gonna say what I feel. I left that place because it made me miserable.

I had to think about that place before I had to go to bed, and the first thing I thought about when I woke up. Days began to blur into each other, so I wasn't sure what day of the week it was. Being there dulled my senses made me feel ill just thinking about it.

It made me not want to get up in the morning. At times it made me want to kill some, if not all of the people there. I'd almost be temped to say it made me want to kill myself.

I'm not joking.

Near the end, I was in a spiral of despair that I STILL haven't recovered from. And now I'm back doing a Web Design course.

There was no way around it. Try as I might, I couldn't avoid it. If I had refused to go back, the Jobcentre would have stopped giving me money, money I need to survive.

If there is any consolation, its that I only have to be there until Christmas. It won't be easy, but I think I can handle it. I was there for 4 years so I think I can handle a couple of months, especially since I know there is an end in sight. That alone gives me hope.

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